The news site of Eden Prairie High School

The Eyrie

If I may respond

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.


Email This Story






Hello, random and presumably male driver that has decided to whistle at a group of teenaged girls running down the side of the street. I’m sure the only reason that you didn’t stop and chat with us is that you are on your way to a very important event and not because you wouldn’t have whistled had you not been in the safe confines of your motor vehicle. Because you must be very sad that I didn’t get a chance to respond, here are some of the things I would have possibly said had the conversation continued.

  1.         I am very glad for your interest in the youth of the community you live in and their athletic aspirations. If you were wondering, we are currently on a progressive run in which each mile is run ten seconds faster than the previous, so we can learn to put more effort in as a run continues. It is also more than 80 degrees out, so those who wanted to decided to run in just a sports bra. If you want to join us, feel free. If not, please move on and let us increase our athletic capacities through physical and mental practice.
  2.         I see you are practicing to fulfill your aspirations in becoming Yondu from “Guardians of the Galaxy.” I am sorry to break this to you, but your whistling is incredibly subpar. I don’t think you could ever even begin to replace the likes of Yondu in controlling his arrow. Also, we do not live in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Even if we did, I don’t think you would fare particularly well. Sorry.
  3.        I see you have a rare compulsive-whistling condition. I am sorry for your unfortunate situation. I wish you the best in your recovery. If I may also give some advice, in the future I would suggest that you roll up the windows. Your ailment may bring about negative connotations.
  4.         I see that you have been taken hostage and can only communicate through the use of coded messages in the form of whistling. I would help you, but I myself cannot whistle. So, I do not understand the subtle variations in pitch and length that must be associated with your obvious cry for help. I wish you luck in your escape from the clutches of an obviously evil captor.
  5.         Please go away.

While the fifth is probably my most likely response, depending on my stress and sass level, any of them are possible. You, random driver, just have to stop for a few more seconds to find out which response you’d get. Or, just don’t whistle in the first place.

Print Friendly

Leave a Comment

If you want a picture to show with your comment, go get a gravatar.




Navigate Right
Navigate Left
  • If I may respond

    Opinion

    Assisted suicide

  • If I may respond

    Opinion

    Chechnya opens new concentration camp for gay men

  • Opinion

    Pointless rules

  • If I may respond

    Opinion

    Are my relationship standards unrealistic?

  • If I may respond

    Opinion

    The high price of education

  • If I may respond

    Opinion

    Don’t lock up your locker

  • If I may respond

    Opinion

    Sincerest apologies to Oregon

  • If I may respond

    Opinion

    Differences between high school and college

  • If I may respond

    Opinion

    More of your faults

  • If I may respond

    Opinion

    Tips for surviving finals week

The news site of Eden Prairie High School
If I may respond